Fawna Moon

Erika T. Wurth

I’m Fawna Moon!!! LOL, right? I mean, like everyone doesn’t know me already??? Just google me, I tell everyone. LOL!!! I mean, I’ve represented MY TRIBE in I don’t know how many countries, it’s ridiculous. And it’s a good thing because I’m the ONLY REALLY traditional Navajo in Albuquerque, really the only one!!!

The thing that like, really gets me is all of these Native guys claiming to be traditional when all they are is jerks. I mean, I’ve dated all of them, like just dated because I’m sooooooo traditional? But WHATEV, they’re all just afraid of a strong Native woman. Don’t they know that I should be the one in charge??? If only they could all be like my cousins, who do what I say, LOL!!!

I mean, and like all of these stupid wannabes, whatever!!! I’m like, LMAO. My dad was a medicine man and my mom is a weaver, OK??? And I’m TOTALLY fluent in Navajo. Just because I don’t speak it all the time doesn’t mean anything. I’m just, you know, quiet??? I just hate it when people like, try to test me with that one, because they’re stupid, I’m the traditional one, they shouldn’t be doing that, it’s not traditional to try to beat a strong Native woman down, and if they do, it’s like L8R!!!

I mean, I went to the Institute of American Indian Arts, which like, has graduated so many famous Indians, and then I even went and got my Master’s, which is like, extremely rare for Natives. I had to work sooooooo hard at it because all of the other Natives in my program were trying to make me look bad. And my teachers were all jealous of me, I could tell. They were all jealous because I’m soooo traditional, and I was like, LMAO!!! Not that it bothered me, it tooootally didn’t. One of them, who was like, kind of Navajo because she was from the reservation, like tried to correct something I once said, and I was like, EXCUSE ME? Don’t you know who I am??? I’m FAWNA MOON!!! And she just looked at me AS IF she didn’t know what I was talking about. She was such a bitch. And she didn’t know anything about being a traditional Navajo, that’s for sure, LOL!!! She was always talking about how poor she was growing up on the reservation. And like, just because I wasn’t poor doesn’t mean ANYTHING. I mean, that’s a stereotype BTW! Whatev!!!

But really, it’s all these stupid Native men who think they’re so traditional that make my life the hardest. The thing is, no matter how traditional they THINK they are, none them can ever be as good as my dad. When my dad was alive, I would go all the time to the Pueblo rez where he was from, and we’d do ceremony. And he loved me more than anyone, more than any of his other kids, LOL!!! I’m just sad about the cancer, cancer is such a jerk! It took away the one thing in my life that was like, totally, totally good. I always do the walks to beat cancer, though no way am I going to shave my head, LOL!!! I’m way too traditional, and good looking!

I make traditional foods CONSTANTLY. Yummy! They’re soooo good and like, I’m really good at making them, OBV? I mean Navajo frybread’s the best! People are like, how do you have the time? And I’m like, I MAKE time because that’s what a TRADITIONAL Navajo woman DOES. And my cousins come, and they like, help me out and stuff. Though they can be such idiot-babies, I have to tell them what to do the whole way, LMAO! Sometimes if a guy seems like he might not be lame FOR ONCE I invite him to my house and cook with him to show him how traditional I totally obviously am, LOL! And I introduce him to my mom, which is like, serious in my culture? So when they turn out to be jerks, I’m like, asshole! I introduced you to my FAMILY, my TRADITIONAL family, and that means something! It means we could be like, engaged.

The biggest jerk of all is this guy named Kunky. He thinks he’s all that because he’s sort of famous in the Indian world, and he travels everywhere or whatever. And I’m like, LOL??? I’m famous, too??? When we were going out, I even quit my boyfriend, who is really more of a backup than anything because he’s SO DUMB. But I like, keep him around, LOL!!! But this guy, he’s a painter, and he went to IAIA, too, and he married some stupid white girl and like, had a kid with her or something. But when he was young and like, before all that, we started hanging out and stuff. And he made me feel like he was really traditional, and respectful and honored his culture and respected strong women. He even said that! He said it all the time. We went to powwow together, and I met his family, too, and his friends were all totally stupid immature guys, but at least he introduced me to them, and we took a bunch of classes together, and he would try to help me with my art, LOL!!! As if I needed it, I was amazing at art, I just wanted to like, do more for my tribe, and that’s why I didn’t go any further with it. But I would let him peek over my shoulder at the canvas I was working on and pick out the colors and stuff so that he could feel important. It’s TOTALLY important to make a man feel like he has some purpose, though I can barely think of what they’re really that good for, LOL! I mean, like Native women don’t need feminism because, for example, I’m the one that’s been in control in all of my relationships? So, I don’t even need that stuff, that’s colonizing anyway. Maybe some of those stupid Native chicks that think they’re more traditional than me (as if!!!) could use it LOL!!! I mean, like, most of my friends are guys anyway, because they’re so much less jealous. I can’t blame women for being jealous of me though, I’m all that! And MEN LOVE ME. I always have a new guy. Whenever the guy I’m seeing turns out to be lame, there’s always another. And then, of course, there’s my stupid boyfriend. I mean backup boyfriend, LOL!!!

But I really do deserve a traditional man, and Kunky made me feel like for once in my life I was with someone like my daddy. Kunky seemed different, though all he turned out to be was a big liar. Lame!!! He was with me day and night, painting and singing and dancing and like, really being a cool guy. We were together for a whole year!!! And like, I thought I was gonna marry him, that’s how serious we were! My mom loved him, and he would sit around in our house in Albuquerque that I grew up in and drink coffee and ask her how to say things in Navajo. And then she’d ask him the words for things in his language, but he only knew a few, I mean like, he grew up in some small town in Colorado, so it’s not like he grew up traditional like me. Plus he’s like, two tribes and like, even though I am, too, I’m like, CLEARLY a Navajo woman, like, CLEARLY.

What pisses me off the most is when I think about how Kunky played me. Not that I can be played for long, LOL!!! There are too many guys around the corner, and I’m smart and educated and hot and just awesome. But he got me to do stuff that like, wasn’t traditional? I mean, not like, I mean, I’m not a prude, but I was young. And it’s not like I hadn’t had boyfriends before, but he made me think, well, he made me think he wanted to have a family. I really believed that stupid asshole! And while I was with him he was just starting to get his reputation and travel, and I found out that he was getting it on with everyone! And that’s not traditional. And while he was traveling I was texting ILUVU like all the time, and he kept texting me back ILUVU and how he missed me. He was probably texting me with one hand and doing you-know-what with the other! JERK! It’s like, I’ll never trust guys again because of him. And even though he thinks he’s so cool now because he’s invited to do all of these hip-hop painting performances, everyone in the REAL Indian world knows his paintings SUCK! And he clearly barely knows anything about his culture. I know EVERYTHING about being Navajo, EVERYTHING.

I’m not the only one that got pregnant with him either. And I remember I didn’t even tell him, because I was scared it would push him away. So I you know like, took care of it? And I thought, it’s OK, we’ll have a baby later, when I’m older and settled and own my own house and am ready. But now that I’m older, I’ve realized it’s really traditional to live with your family??? People are like, you’re forty and living with your mom? And I’m like WHATEV!!! My mom NEEDS me. And I help out when I can. I mean, it’s hard! I need to go out to MAKE IMPORTANT CONNECTIONS, and that’s expensive. That’s not MY FAULT. I got educated. That’s what’s important, duh!!! At least I didn’t get stuck with his baby, especially after I found out he was telling lots of girls that he was their boyfriend. That is SO not TRADITIONAL. There’s a girl here that was also going to IAIA, and she is stuck with his baby, all while he’s with that white woman on the other side of the country!

And I’m TOTALLY planning on learning how to weave, too, which I know will make my mom happy, and it’s TRADITIONAL so I know it’s important? But I’m sooooo busy, I’ve got soooo much on my calendar, like, all the time. And I know that I’ll be traveling EVEN MORE when I start weaving because my mom was famous for her work, and that’s why she ended up here, because they wanted her to teach at IAIA, where she met my dad. And so OBV like, that’s genetic, and I’ll be as amazing at that as I am with painting, and with everything else I do. And then Kunky will have to realize what he’s missing. Which I’m sure he already does, LOL!!!

Sometimes, when I’m high and sitting outside alone on the old plastic deck furniture my parents got when I was a kid, and like, leaning back and looking at the stars, I wonder what it would be like with Kunky, like, if I’d told him about the baby, and if he would have cut it off with all of those other bitches and maybe we could have gotten a place together??? I think about me in the hospital holding a little fuzzy-headed baby, Kunky by my side. I think about my daddy, too, because he was so good to me and how like, when I was with Kunky for at least just a little tiny bit of time, I thought that he was almost as good as my dad. And that we were gonna have a life together, a really beautiful life like I had before my daddy died … and then I remember what an ARROGANT JERK Kunky was and how he ruined everything, and I push that feeling away, because NO ONE is going to bring a TRADITIONAL woman down! That’s not how I grew up, that’s not who I am!!! I’m a strong Navajo woman! I have to be an example for the younger generation, and like, I already obviously AM.

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