Fold whites into batter —
Such patience eludes me — to ease these beaten
whites beneath the denser substance
until the denser grows airy. Part with care, scoop
under, quarter turn of the bowl — grows airy
and rises. In a respite between freezes,
branches in the yard chandelier with rain.
Grandmother baked this cake each Easter
and on certain birthdays. Bloodlines are
mysteries. Her measuring cups surround me
in mute halos of flour. The thin, white sheet
where she’s scripted this recipe bears
no hidden message when lifted to the light:
only two prints at a corner where she touched it
once with a buttered thumb and forefinger. She wore
silk-collared dresses, and sometimes mink, lustrous
atop her skin’s bluish petals. What stories did she
tell herself about herself while she leveled
each measuring cup with a knife, sugar cascading
back into its bowl, flour settling through its own
rising cloud? By bloodlines I mean all of it —
the curve of a little finger, anger — blood
ties and likenesses. With child in San Francisco,
she’d watch drifts of fog haul across the bay until
her window went blank. If she planned escape then,
no one knew. Grandfather wanted everything
crisp, even his briefs. She’d press these weekly
and fold them in exact triangles that slept
beneath his stainless undershirts. Alchemical
what’s twined into DNA — not that gold
results. We never spoke candidly; what she wanted
from life is anyone’s guess. She had no garden
but cultivated a calm disposition, the shining
straight pins she’d drive through the borders
of dress patterns. The only time she fled,
mother was a child. Grandfather took a butcher
knife to kill the neighbor. “He would’ve
too,” mother said, “if we hadn’t gone back”:
Grandmother with her one suitcase. Mysteries
and toxins — “blood ties,” or, once “blood
threads.” Because they bind? She slept
in grandfather’s bed and baked a cake
each Easter for his forty remaining
years. He was not a religious man
but believed in ceremony. An ashtray
on the counter filled nightly. Grandmother
would bear it out before bedtime — ash
fragments clinging to her hands — to empty
at the base of the oleander: forbidden
shrub, of whose properties my mother,
and every child she knew, had been
warned at least a hundred times.
about the author