Mother’s Day

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The media loves pitting women against women: how do you feed your baby, why don’t

you fit in that dress, disposable diapers last 8 billion years even in the guts of sharks, gold

digger, cougar, jailbait, cat fight. On Coney Island, Miki Sudo downed 38 hot dogs in 10

minutes for the national crown. After every hot dog, Miki brushed her hands together in

the universal gesture for take that, her eyes on Sonya “the Black Widow” Thomas, four-

time champion, who for every one of Miki’s hot dogs was falling a nibble behind. How

might one discover she’s good at eating hot dogs? Was it a meal brought to her that she

tossed down like luggage into the belly of a plane? Predators may eat up to 10 percent of

their body weight at a time; scavengers, up to 20 percent. I’m picking at my breakfast in

bed, wondering if champions chew before swallowing. The Heimlich: you know

someone must be standing by, reviewing the steps. It’s one of the only positive gestures

that begins with a fist. If a woman has died eating hot dogs in a contest, Google doesn’t

know about it. My kids ask: you gonna eat all those raspberries? In the comments below

the article, people have a lot to say about the bodies of women daring to eat hot dogs

in public. I know what Miki and Sonya know: the food’s brought to you. Then the vultures

descend.