Celebrity Restaurateur

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You can pick up any fashion

mag at the grocery store and know

you’re not in New York

because you’ve never lifted

a green juice to anything. You can rub

those beef ribs yourself, or let

Guy Fieri do it for you, your choice.

Gwyneth Paltrow spends $21,000 a month

applying the stem cells of apples

to her face and can’t fathom how

the poor live on $29 a week. It’s easy

enough once you’re an abstraction:

just feast upon the groundless assumptions

made about your life. Today I bought

a can of beans and planted it

in my yard. When the stalk grows large

enough I will climb it and yank the stars

from heaven. We put them there,

and it’s fun to watch them fall.