As If to Ralph Angel
Tens of thousands of deaths ago
before we had the time
to start saying goodbye
every last body still counts the most
every word more than
any word before or after
every word always
gets the best of us
each was a mistake
without any end
now no delays
now no abandoned stars or houses
no more fatherless
motherless feelings
but for me still here
trees are fraught with headlights
the only lights around
drive into sight
then drive away
light always in a hurry
travels through trees
to be and to be away
it’s a little life and then
accident without end
you got out of this day
you got out of night
laughing at dark and at light
throwing your head back
at your never having seen
fireflies in Vermont
come back and disappear
to reappear again as
risings disappearing
all night high in the treetops
invisible to us there
as our memories are
almost all the time
memories without a beginning
or an intermission
or need of an end
first person not my brother
to call me brother
and nuance it just enough
both brother and
not not brother
long crucial talks
indispensable gives and takes
over nothing I can remember
that spooked us both
laughing though in another life
exactly like this one
we might otherwise
have shunned the other
we circumstances
ignorance is widening
I’m not to touch my face
if one or another neighbor smiles
and waves a hand
in a common loneliness and fear
I smile and wave back
our last conversation
took up a lot of subjects and how
thought and feelings
never really blow away
I felt less alone with
my day hearing of yours
it was a lovely conversation
you might not remember
even if you were alive
I seem to be working
on never finishing anything
whatever your voice is now
I can see just far enough
into the dark to know
I will not find you there
about the author