Family Secret
When the new and different
arrives, it
knocks incessantly
at the brain: this is
the last time, this
will not happen again, this
is different. Pay attention.
She had been sick before,
had lost her hair, lost
color, vomited before,
had her ovaries
removed.
This time: she ran off to Greece
for the last time.
Begged her doctor
to delay chemo.
She let Tolo’s sun wash
her face, the water cool
the tips of her fingers,
that blue laughter
of Grecian water.
She sent reports
back to me in New York—
the donkeys on Hydra,
Leonard Cohen’s house,
and the woman who
came out of it.
We who said everything
could not speak about
the one thing. Instead,
she sent photos:
the women, the men,
the cats in restaurants: they eat for free,
she laughed.
Her in the middle of the Ancient Theater
at Epidaurus
in her sandals and bright pink shirt.
Her among the ruins
of Katagogion.
Incandescent flowers:
pink, purple, canary yellow.
Balustrades
and the white, white stones
and the blistered sun
and the sea, all that turquoise hurt,
which was the distance between
what she felt
and what she could say to me.
Her on the beach wrapped
in a blue shawl,
waiting for the sea to
take her. Her standing
on the banks of the Lethe,
smiling and smiling
into the camera,
each photograph
a caesura on the endless trip.