Self Portrait as Auto-phobe
auto-phobia is the specific phobia of isolation or being alone. It can also be an irrational fear of oneself which while groundless can feel quite intense.
tonight embrace the certainty of destruction
settle into it as you would into a good lover. great your demons
do not ask how they came to be drawn along the curve
of your eyelids like illustrations on a fan, name them after
yourself — weakling, bitch, ungrateful, unlovable, cunt.
catalogue the ways to be broken — the soft in the bone
the sizzle of hair before the heat of a fire, the bloods inclination
to run, the gentleness of your spine and your necks refusal
to give. imagine your body bereft of yourself — the chill
the inevitable decay — it is as natural as the desire for flight
except possible. divorce madness from insanity. grip your ribs, hold
together, fall apart, divide yourselves into as many as you may need
turn inward and remember I am you too
and I aint going, oh no girl, its just you, you and me.
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